How to Build Your Confidence
What’s stopping you from being you? Think about this for a minute, what is ‘really’ stopping you.
We fill our minds with so many stories, which we then believe as viable reasons for not becoming the person we really want to be, or better yet deserve to be. Combine this with the feelings of guilt/shame/fear and we simply give up, or worse yet, we start but begin to experience the ‘imposter syndrome’ which knock us off course and then we give up.
The truth is that nobody is perfect. Nobody! Every single person on this planet has a history, a past and we have all made mistakes. Our ego tries to trick us into believing that we are a certain way, or that we can’t change or that we are ‘fooling ourselves’. This is simply not the case.
Every single thing that happened on your journey so far, the good, the bad and the ugly is all part of the unfolding of your true identity, your true authentic Self. Everything that has happened up until this current moment, doesn't have to be your full story. It doesn’t mean that you can’t still become the person you want to be and bigger than that, it doesn’t mean you have to explain to anyone ‘why’, ‘who’ or ‘how’ you have changed in becoming your authentic self - the real you.
When I think of myself in my twenties I sometimes wonder how I seemed so different, but when I look closer and move deeper beyond the surface level of it all, I realize that the real ‘me’ was always there. It doesn’t matter how if you were a party animal or a saintly recluse, you are still you underneath all of this. I’m writing this blog post as it’s something I had to overcome myself - I get it. Motherhood was when the door opened and slowly I began to step into my power and reveal who I really was on a soul level, but it wasn’t until I did my Yoga Teacher Training that I came face to face with feeling like a fraud (hello imposter syndrome!).
The imposter syndrome is a psychological term referring to a pattern of behavior where people doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent, often internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud.
If you knew me back then you would probably have thought that I seemed like a confident woman, sure of who I was and where I belonged in the world ... but if that was really the case then why did I question my own sense of ‘self-worth’ so much so that half way through the teacher training I was crying (sobbing) telling my faculty teacher that I felt like a total fraud. My mind was filled with thoughts like ... Who did I think I was becoming a Yoga teacher when I can’t do any fancy yoga poses, my body hasn’t even recovered from having a baby and I look nothing like a typical Yogi. My ego was clearly running the show!
Why did I feel like a fraud and where did this all really stem from? Well, let me tell you why..
I grew up in a family where how things were perceived by others, was considered far more important than how things actually were. I was shown from a very young age that other people's feelings and opinions mattered more than mine, and that the ‘visitor/guest’ always got what they wanted first. My parents believed this to be a sign of good hospitality and I guess they wanted to show kindness and their version of respect towards others. This style of unconscious modeling by my parents then transferred to me as always considering how the other person felt before stopping to check in with how I felt, the beginning of learning to dissociate from my emotions. You see what may appear like confidence or ‘thick skinned’ as we say in Ireland, on the outside was actually a self-limiting belief in disguise. Subconsciously I wanted to be liked and believed other people's feelings mattered more than mine, and I took what people said about me as gospel truth, as I placed more value on what they thought about me, than what I thought about myself.
I carried this with me for many years, as I climbed the corporate ladder in my career and when I reach my late twenties, and it served me well, in terms of getting promoted and securing the jobs I really wanted. It wasn’t until I got really honest with myself that my authentic self started to show. In the back of my mind I would always dream of becoming a yoga teacher and working in the healing/spiritual word. I’ve been interested in Meditation from a very young age and have always held a strong faith in believing in God, the Universe, Source, our creator.
It wasn’t until I did my Yoga Teacher Training that my the ‘imposter syndrome’ raised its head again, but I didn’t give up and allow it to win. I believed in myself. I trusted that I knew I was being my authentic most honest loving self and by doing this I am fulfilling my own personal life purpose. I knew this was part of my journey and sometimes the things we want the most, are also the things we doubt the most. Those whispers, our dream, those are the whispers that we need to listen too. Not the ego and self-limiting beliefs.
When you believe that you are a fraud or an imposter - you are doubting your own self-worth based on false beliefs. The only person you are answerable to in this life is YOU.
You know who you are.
You deserve to become the person you want to be.
You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
I read a quote recently by the amazing Rachel Hollis, if you haven’t discovered this lady yet - go check her out. This woman shoots from the hip (speaks her truth)...
“Other people’s opinion of you is none of your business”.
Even for a simple example like this:
If you are a person who wore black every single day for the past 20 years and told every single person you knew that you would only wear black, but now know deep in your heart that you want to wear hot pink everyday - then do it and don’t feel like you can't or that you have to explain yourself to anyone.
When you shine your brightest light in life, it allows others the opportunity to do the same. I think we sometimes forget that we are all flawed human beings on this planet, placed here to grow and change. We also forget that growth can be uncomfortable and messy and you will (you will) experience feedback from people in your life on how you have changed, but that’s good. You want to change. You want to be constantly evolving and growing. Rise my friend Rise.
You deserve the absolute best and you can give this to yourself.
The world wants to see you live your most authentic self life and when you do, it will radiate through you so brightly that others will be inspired to do the same.
I am so proud to say, that I no longer suffer with the idea of not being good enough or the ‘imposter syndrome’.
I know that I am fully embodying my authentic self.
I know who my soul is and I also trust and believe in the healing, love and compassion that it has to offer.
I appreciate and acknowledge the growth I have yet to do, and remember to be loving and compassionate towards myself when I fail and make mistakes.
When we live our life from a place of love, real love, where we honor our flawed existence and see that we are all connected, that we are all doing our best and growing at our own pace, we can move beyond this and into a space of acceptance and love.
There will always be moments of doubt but when you are connected to your true Self the foundation is unshakable and that’s what I want for each and every person. If you are interested in ‘remembering’ the real you I strongly recommend the practice of Yoga Nidra. It’s a safe guided meditation practice that brings you so deep into your subconscious mind that you will be brought to a place so silent you have the opportunity to remember the real you. A place where profound change and healing can happen.
I know because it has changed me on a deep cellular level. If you are interested in reading more about my personal story with Yoga Nidra and healing, you can do so here. If you want to try out some of my guided Yoga Nidra’s for free, you can do so here.
So next time you are in a situation, especially an uncomfortable situation,stay true and honest to the real you. Say what you really feel. Share your honest opinion with love and consideration. Make choices and decisions in your life based on your heart, not your head. If you heart says you want the rainbow color sneakers, then buy them. If you heart says you want to play tennis professionally then join a club, whatever it is - go for it. Every time you listen to those tiny little whispers, the closer you are to revealing and remembering the real YOU.